I don't even know if anyone reads these posts aside from me. This blog isn't geared towards other readers, really, but mainly for me to have an online journal - of sorts. So if you, anonymous person, are reading this... hello... welcome... what are you doing here? :P
Okay. So, it is September again. Summer is basically over. School has started up again. It is back to the normal daily routine of doing productive things and learning. Leaving the house, seeing other people. All that fun stuff.
My summer was not exciting. I was home for the entire summer, and well... my family lives practically in the middle of nowhere. In the countryside, which IS nice. It's quiet. Peaceful. But sometimes too much so.
I've never been the kind of person to call up people and invite them over or make plans to go out and do something fun. I always let myself believe that other people have better things to do than to hang out with boring old me. :P Soooooo I keep to myself most of the time. That's where having a large family - six siblings - help out a lot. You don't get too lonely as there are people to talk to. People that don't judge you. They know you and accept you as you are.
Honestly, with my kind of introverted, socially anxious personality, God really did know what he was doing when he gave me a large family. My mom has said something similar - about how having seven children have kept her active and brought her out of her comfort zone a lot more than she would have ventured otherwise. So, God, thank you. I'd be such a big mess if I were an only child. lol
That being said, it doesn't mean that I have never felt lonely, depressed, or exasperated with my life. It's always been a rollercoaster for me. I suspect it's the same way with most people. Life is a journey. There are many things we encounter along the way. And as human beings, our feelings and emotions go with us. Having a horrible day does not mean you have a horrible life. Having a horrible week or month or even year does not mean you have a horrible life... Don't let the negativity define you!
I'm rambling I think. I changed the subject from talking about my summer. Anyway, I had an uneventful summer. Very uneventful. Sometimes I hated it. Sometimes I loved it. It's all in how I chose to view my situation. I could either become very unhappy or choose to find joy daily and enjoy the uneventfulness while it lasted. Sometimes it was the former, but mostly I tried to make it the latter.
Because, well, it's now September and the uneventfulness has no choice but to stop now. Ha.
I've moved to a different city. Enrolled in a different college to try a different course. Changed my environment to try and find a passion and interest. To actually do things. I knew I couldn't go on with how it's been the past year... I needed a change, and so I made the change. Was it the right choice? Lord, I hope so.
Sometimes anxiety hits me and I can only pray Oh, Lord Jesus, help me oh God. Willing away the nervousness and the feeling of what if I don't do something productive with my life? Where the heck is my life even headed?
Change is inevitable. But sometimes you have to move it along and stop waiting for change to find you. Make the change and then see where else it will lead.
So that's what I'm doing.
